college students make jokes about being in college to hide the fact that they’re dead inside
If something is ‘old as fuck’ then it’s about 1.2 billion years old because that’s when life evolved sexual reproduction.
However, if something is “old as balls” it’s only about 65 million years old, when placental mammals began to evolve proper testicles.
I want an episode of Supernatural where some teenagers are walking through an abandoned factory and suddenly one of then starts walking like a dinosaur and the other kids are like ‘wtf are you doing steve’ and he’s like ‘I saw this post on Tumblr saying if you feel like you’re in the first five minutes of a ghost show then you should walk like a dinosaur, because no one would do that on the show.’ and as soon as he finishes a ghost beheads him.
when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’
everyone lost their shit and i got second place
If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something